I’m really not into this sort of thing. In fact, I hate when I see people doing this on Facebook and other social networking sites, but I’m not sure what else to do. I haven’t really got anyone I can’t talk to about these sort of things. So maybe venting will help? I dunno. I just don’t know what to do. My parents just think I’m a completely unappreciative piece of shit that they wish they hadn’t had to deal with. Ever since I got out of high school. Things have been so different. My parents treat me totally differently. And not in the way you’d think. Not treating me like a man who’s beginning his life like I thought they would. But now more like a burden. My mom that used to be so happy that I played hockey in high school, she would literally cry. She would try and make it to all of my games. And the ones she couldn’t make, she would always ask me how they went and how I played. I play hockey as much as I can still. I’m in just a men’s league now. And I’m sure this sounds silly, but, she doesn’t even care. She hasn’t bothered to ask me how it went, if I scored, how I played, or anything. She could care less. That really hits me hard.
Everything has really changed. I’m a salseperson at a sports store making nothing for money. I can’t afford things. And I recently blew a career job that I would’ve been set for life had I not been careless and stupid. I had a phenomenal job at Southwest Airlines. Full benefits, dollar for dollar 401k, and starting at 10 an hour with endless opportunities. And I blew it. And I think about that every single day. But my mom ensures I never forget. Not in a supportive manner either. More like, “if you wouldn’t have fucked up your once in a lifetime opportunity, I wouldn’t be wiping your ass for you every day of your life”. My mom doesn’t treat me like a human being anymore. I haven’t even attempted talking to either of my parents about issues I have in well over a year. I wish I could just vent and talk and have them help me solve my problems. But the only way they will speak to me is in yelling at me without letting me get in a word. Hit me, and throw things at me. I’m not saying I’m an angel, I’ve deserved my fair share of hits and things thrown at me. I’m not always so innocent. But when that’s all it is, no more talking, no conversation anymore, I give up. And that’s what I did well over a year ago.
Our most recent fight today was my spending. On gas, (mostly to see my girlfriend and go to work and sometimes to go to hockey) food, and hockey. I don’t buy clothes, or useless shit, or video games, or even music equipment anymore. My passions are hockey and music. Without these things, I could not exist. Honestly. I’m a winger and a drummer. These are the few joys I have in life. And my girlfriend. I don’t waste my money on drugs, or come home drunk every night like my sister used to, or hang out with gang bangers, or bad people. I just enjoy these few simple things. And for my mom to tell me I’m nothing but an ungrateful piece of shit is just indescribable. I can’t find the words for my feelings. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say. I doubt anyone will even read this. But I’m not sure what else to do. I just don’t like my life. I don’t want a part in living in It anymore. And no, this isn’t a suicide threat. It’s just honesty. I don’t like my life. I just want this to be over. Sometimes I think that the day I die is the day I’ll finally be able to be happy. Nothing ever use to get me down. Not being picked on all through grade and high school. Not having friends. Knowing my family doesn’t want my company (I know this because at family parties I’m never involved in conversation, no one wants to say hi to me, and no one really cares). None of this used to get me down. I would still always find the things in life to make me smile. I can’t find them anymore. Playing hockey is the only thing that can still jut completely forget about everything for a while and enjoy myself. And. I rarely so that now.
Like i said before, I doubt anyone will even care to read this, and nor should you. But I just didn’t know what else to do. So here it is. And I don’t feel much better.
I think Avenged Sevenfold are one of those bands that I will never stop listening to, I’ll be there on my deathbed blaring Bat Country and Afterlife then die a happy man. Too much love for the band, one of the bands that will NEVER die.
i couldnt agree more
excuse me ma’am, but your “question” was more of a statement. however, i love you too sexy ;)
Beavis And Butthead #3 (May 1994)
Art by Rick Parker & John Romita
Words by Mike Lackey
sexiest girl in the world. what a hell of a girlfriend :)
Iron Maiden and Eddie the Head during the World Piece Tour
… the poor man inside that costume. you know none of them mentioned they would do this before hand… bruce and harris know better. that guy never wouldve done it otherwise
Heavy MTL - part 6
god shadows looks so much fucking cooler with his long hair! ill be seeing you boys front row oct. 3rd <3 HAIL TO THE KINGS!!!